Escapist. Capeesh?
October 30, 2019
Escape.
I have been using so many mediums to escape.
You know escapism?
Yeah, escapism.
Before this I went on to the office doing my works eventhough sometimes my brain cant take it anymore. Im still doing my best. Despite that I look like I do nothing. But reading makes your brain tired, and I have been reading to many articles so yeah. I am so fuken tired. Like fatigue. Almost die and that is when I want to escape the most. But Im still doing my best, sebab my task is my responsibility and that comes my rezeki. Rezeki halal is the only vibe that is important.
I am a fuken escapist.
I escape from a lot of things,
I use a lot of people to escape,
My reality isnt that pleasant,
But hearing other people complaining about things that they can change in short amount of time is so frustrating.
I am just insensitive,
small things for me maybe big things for them,
Big things for me maybe small things for them,
So I escape a lot.
Through writing,
Through my family,
Through music,
Through food (3x Spicy Ciken),
Through sleeping,
and the most important is through talking to Him.
The best thing about escapism is that,
they distract you from the bitter reality.
The worse thing about escapism is that,
the distraction is only temporary.
When you have been escaping a lot,
the bitter reality is waiting on you and wreck you from inside.
Slowly.......and when that time comes out, you will be wreck from inside and out.
Which is dangerous because that is where tendency to hurt yourself emerged.
or you kinda blow up and turn into some batshit crazy.
either one...or both
Escape is good, im not saying it is a bad thing. Dude i have been escaping for a long time now c'mon.
For me, escapism is a me-time. A time for me to calm the heck down, and repair what needs to be repaired inside me but sometimes I just need more.
You dont have to escape for a long time, but try to make that escape short and sweet. you know? Enough to fix that hole in the heart.
I know that well, these days are really hard. Go to hell with it, this year is hard as a whole. 2019 can be considered as a curse. A catastrophe. At least it is for me. So many bullshits I have been gone through. These upcoming bulls for the next two months should be easy aite and i will be able to go through them too yes? They should be easy. I mean I survived those bulls back in the days and still breathing.
You know, when you get involved with too many people, especially the ones that are sometimes have too many bulls, you open the room for them to hurt you and make your reality ugly.
I am not hindering from making new friends. Be nice to all, but be very careful of whom you gonna let into your heart okey?
I dont want you to get hurt like I do and do the escapism thingy longer.
I am alive now is the proof that I am stronger. There are no scars on my wrist, there are no pills and I still have my family and that is okay. In fact, that is great.
I am in verge of breaking down.
But Mark Manson said
"Fu*k your feelings"
and I am going to do it. Slowly....but surely.
So, go to hell negative feelings. Needing you shall none!
I am going to fight as soon as I wake up and stops when I fall asleep.
Woke up. Fight. Sleeping.
Repeat the circle.
Gaji baru masuk but I feel broke already.
61 more days, cepatlah jadi 1. I hate large number because im singel ko singel jum arr kaple.
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