Bitterest pessimist, sweetest optimist.

fear is a catalyst.

March 21, 2020

Hey guys...

Kawalan Pergerakan due to Covid-19

Now that is one hell of a news.

I have been taking this covid-19 too lightly before this. Of course due to lack of awareness and laziness as I was thinking that it is not that big of a deal as it hasnt hit Malaysia that hard before that.

Little did we know, the second wave of epidemic covid-19 hits hard. So feckin hard.

When the notifications of increasing amount of people that have infected surpassed over 100 appear on the phone panel, it was then... I know fear.. To be honest, i get goosebumps.

You know, my father has been working away from home and my sister in the health sector..

I have fear for their well beings..

They wouldn't be able to be home. May Allah protects them. Aamiin.

I have fear of my mother.

As we know that, the covid-19 is more fatal to old people.

I have fear for my other siblings,

I have fear for my love,

I have fear for my self.

Fear. It really isnt nice to be in fear.

Fear can also be a catalyst for people to be fuken selfish and act so dumb like they have been drinking in dumb juice before this religiously.

Due to fear,

People have been acting selfishly lying about their trip to overseas or doing anything that make them exposed to the virus thus infecting those doctors and medical staffs. So fuck you.

Panic buying. People have been hoarding the foods and wasting them. Fuck you too. People are even wrestling in the food aisle. Madness.

But due to no fear,

There even some people act recklessly by ignoring the authorities' orders by going outside of their home by lepaking, attending mass gathering, meeting friends, going back to hometown, travelling. Seriously travelling at times like this ah ignorant eejit nuthead. Fuck you the most.

"we are gonn die anyways"

Sometimes i just hope people would stop from being stupid or at least save some of the stupidity for future research on "how stupid a human can be"

SOME OF US HAVE TO PUSH DATES FOR IMPORTANT EVENTS DUE TO THESE EPIDEMICS SO please.... Just stay at home okay? Lets not make things worse.. We are all frustrated here, lets not add salt to the wounds... Listen to the authorities and go get testing if you have been in contact with people that have been infected or if you have been attending the tabligh event.

You know, ramadhan al kareem is coming. Im pretty sure that we all wanna go to bazaar ramadan and doing taraweeh.

So fuckers, stay at home!

And lets hope this ends fast.

Be safe everybody, lets not be dumb, always cover your mouth when sneezing or coughing and wash your hands often!

And lastly lets be a person with honor.

Ps: day 3 of quarantine and im so pissed off by the level of stupidity that some of the Malaysian people have shown that i had to curse. Pardon me.

privilege on eating a ton and gaining 0kgs.

March 16, 2020

baddest beep.

March 13, 2020

Rain and life.

February 04, 2020

I have always love the rain. The way tiny drops hit my nose, the way it just find a place on my palms, the way it caresses my cheeks, the way it falls and absorbs to the ground or even unites with the lines of river and the way it sticks to the flowers and leaves. I really love it. The rain.

It is beautiful.

So destructive.

Yet, so soothing.

I really find the calmness with the sound of bullets of rain that hit the roof. Fell in love with the gloomy atmosphere that it brings together, making the sky look dark and the streets bare from lives, from people.

My heart, it is always being like a storm. Combine with the thoughts of my mind, working the gears producing stressing thoughts, all is washed away the moment a tiny droplet hits the surface. It has always been like that.

I remember when i had finished my school tuition. Being too deep with the numbers and principles, i really forgot to live. The sky seem to understand i was near to distress, harsh rain drops seem to hit every surface, hard. I thought there were tiny craters form after each hit on the concrete cement. I smiled. It has always been like that.

Grateful is the perfect word.

Have i been complaining? No.

I started the motorcycle, slowly, lazily. Feeling myself getting further and further away drifted in my thoughts. Feeling on the raindrops hit on my skin, feeling them pierced through the clothes that have enveloped my body. This was calm. Im alive.

Looking upon the dark sky, wondering why i have dark thoughts. Am i a monster, or there is a monster inside me. Fumbling with the books that are wet, adjusting the mirror and ditching the helmet. I went on, stepping the gas harder and feel the raindrops started to pierce my skin harder that it stinged and it felt good. Like someone had been massaging and hitting those acupuncture spots in my face. It has always been like that.

I really love rain. Even until now. I had always refuse the offer for umbrella, or anything that can shield me against the rain. I love the rain, i wont even hide. I want to dance, throw anything away. Only left me with the rain against the world. But i dont do it. It has always been like that. Darn you self-consciousness.

"you are going to get sick! Come here under this umbrella."

"i wont get sick, plus the meds. I have meds even if i get sick"

Not much to say, i did indeed caught fever that night. But i never felt better. I felt alive through the pain. After all the pain kept me alive. I didnt take the meds, didnt even to bother. My pain cannot be heal by taking meds. It will never heal.

It is just the rain, distracting me. Being the medium between me and my pain. It is about the coldness it left behind after being graced in its presence. I love it.