I have always love the rain. The way tiny drops hit my nose, the way it just find a place on my palms, the way it caresses my cheeks, the way it falls and absorbs to the ground or even unites with the lines of river and the way it sticks to the flowers and leaves. I really love it. The rain.

It is beautiful. 

So destructive. 

Yet, so soothing. 

I really find the calmness with the sound of bullets of rain that hit the roof. Fell in love with the gloomy atmosphere that it brings together, making the sky look dark and the streets bare from lives, from people.

My heart, it is always being like a storm. Combine with the thoughts of my mind, working the gears producing stressing thoughts, all is washed away the moment a tiny droplet hits the surface. It has always been like that.

I remember when i had finished my school tuition. Being too deep with the numbers and principles, i really forgot to live. The sky seem to understand i was near to distress, harsh rain drops seem to hit every surface, hard. I thought there were tiny craters form after each hit on the concrete cement. I smiled. It has always been like that.

Grateful is the perfect word.

Have i been complaining? No.

I started the motorcycle, slowly, lazily. Feeling myself getting further and further away drifted in my thoughts. Feeling on the raindrops hit on my skin, feeling them pierced through the clothes that have enveloped my body. This was calm. Im alive.

Looking upon the dark sky, wondering why i have dark thoughts. Am i a monster, or there is a monster inside me. Fumbling with the books that are wet, adjusting the mirror and ditching the helmet. I went on, stepping the gas harder and feel the raindrops started to pierce my skin harder that it stinged and it felt good. Like someone had been massaging and hitting those acupuncture spots in my face. It has always been like that.

I really love rain. Even until now. I had always refuse the offer for umbrella, or anything that can shield me against the rain. I love the rain, i wont even hide. I want to dance, throw anything away. Only left me with the rain against the world. But i dont do it. It has always been like that. Darn you self-consciousness.

"you are going to get sick! Come here under this umbrella."

"i wont get sick, plus the meds. I have meds even if i get sick"

Not much to say, i did indeed caught fever that night. But i never felt better. I felt alive through the pain. After all the pain kept me alive. I didnt take the meds, didnt even to bother. My pain cannot be heal by taking meds. It will never heal.

It is just the rain, distracting me. Being the medium between me and my pain. It is about the coldness it left behind after being graced in its presence. I love it.