hey

remember when we thought that 2021 is going to be better?

surprise surprise MCO 2.0

Its new year and i havent written since then just because i dont feel the urge to write. Dalam bahasa kasornya Lisa maleh.

Anyways, outta of blue I want to write again if its just a useless rant that is going spiraling into some gibberish trash talking and somehow making me become more sendu and then cried at the corner of the room.

Im okay. Doing better than before and less broke.

What about to whoever that is reading this. Are you doing fine too?

Any owls, I really want to talk about something. It is not that serious like yall can grab some popcorn and put on those remix songs on full blast coz this topic is light as someone's common sense.

Nearly a year since the rage of Covid-19 has happened. Lets all take a moment and reminiscence all those happy memories that we were all actually going outside and socialize without having to put on the damn masks.Those were the happy days.

The family gatherings,

Not being suffocated by the masks,

Not having to scan on the gahdamit QR Code.

Those were the happy days.

Man, I cant even go on dates! Mainly because not being invited to one tho but that is not the main point!

I have been religiously wearing those masks and the mask-acne i tell you haa.. No kidding, my cheeks become the acne playground. Im pissed. Still cute though~

I miss crowds you know.

LETS ALL JAGA SOP and jangan jaga jodoh orang 

The funny thing is that I dont wanna talk about the Covid-19-ish. We are all just gonna get upset.

Im a fricking 25 years old woman. 25 years old. Been walking this earth for 25 years and still know nothing about this life. One of the odds of coming at this age is that either getting news your silly looking friends gonna be married, having to see your high school friends already have their own minions and some of them are still struggling to just live and making choices whether to eat nasi ayam or mee celup for lunch. Trust me the choices are hard too.

But it is nice tho having those inflows in the account. Materials materials.

I have been the receiving ends of few complaints mainly from my friends and I didnt have that big of a circle but I know there were people that are actually giving up effort in finding their significant other which is something that i can relate too.

I have been asking myself too

When?

Why?

What?

....and who?

There were days I wanna give up too, there were days I want to just sleep in and leave it at the bottom drawer in the unused capacity at the darkest pit on my mind. Just pushing up down and down but then when i saw a lovely pair, the thoughts just emerged right up and I start asking myself. When will I be able to be like that too?

"if its good for you then Allah will give it to you sooner"

Recently, I have been feeling that I am indeed still a child regardless of my age. My inability to take care of myself, my inability to control my emotion and my inability to express my feelings well. I am indeed not ready and have finally come to my senses that I am only for myself right now and started to slowly train my thoughts to find more beauty in life. Taking care of myself is really tiring let alone imagining those tiny minions of me running around dude, i prolly gonna be a zombie.

There are so much things in life and I wish I can see that too. 

But these days living is just living. Im still my 18 years old self vibing to those upbeat songs and making lame jokes. Im still in my own space.

I know that day will come when someone will see the worst in my and still decide to stay. Will see my flaws and still decide that they want me in their life.  Someone that will look at me as if Im the moon during the starry night. 

But till then Im just gonna enjoy life. Theres so much to beauty in life, it is a shame to be down only for one reason aite? 

I think this rant is coming to an end. Your jodoh probably among your friends tho hahahaha yeah I am glaring at you. 

-end-